Officially Unofficial Police Chief Nonsense

WARNING: DO NOT APPROACH. Suspects are armed with cash and zero impulse control.

SUKUS - Clown. Officer. Unclear which came first.

FLEXI - Wanted for operating a squad car under the influence.

MISS RUBBIN' - Bearded, cigar-chomping, answers to "Miss." Do not ask questions.

Last seen: Taking the last exit at full siren, buried in donuts.

Charges: Too long to list.

Reward: Whatever is left in the cupholder.